The Movie In My Head

Your boss says, “Can you stop by my office?” and suddenly your brain writes a whole screenplay where you’re getting fired. I’ve been there, and I’m willing to bet you have too. That split-second leap from a neutral moment to a worst-case story is one of the biggest hidden drivers of workplace stress, messy communication, and unnecessary conflict.

We dig into the invisible narrator in our heads and why it sounds so convincing. When we don’t question that voice, we stop getting curious and start building a case: the short reply, the missed email, the weird tone, the meeting that ends early. Over time, we react to our assumptions instead of reality, and the relationships that matter most at work and at home take the hit. If you care about leadership development, emotional intelligence, and conflict resolution skills that actually work in real life, this conversation is for you.

I share the simple habit that changed almost every relationship in my life: interrupt the story with one question, “What else could be true?” You’ll hear how a one-breath pause can shift your mindset, help you ask better questions, and rebuild trust faster than trying to be “right.” If this resonates, subscribe, share it with a friend who overthinks like the rest of us, and leave a quick review so more people can find the show.

Transcript

Why People Seem So Weird

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome to What's Wrong with People? I'm Nikki Espinosa, and after more than 30 years in leadership, I've reached a very scientific conclusion. People are weird. All of us. Every single human being. We all overthink, we get defensive, we avoid hard conversations, we jump to conclusions, we send the email that we probably shouldn't have sent at 3 a.m. And then we spend the next three days worrying about what's gonna happen next. Sound familiar? Here's the thing. I don't actually think there's something wrong with people. I think we're all trying to lead, work, live, and love under more pressure than ever before. And pressure has a way of revealing us. That's what this podcast is about. Every week, we'll laugh a little, tell the truth, and unpack the wonderfully messy reality of being human at work, at home, and everywhere in between. Because the hardest person you'll ever lead is yourself. The world doesn't need more perfect leaders, it needs more human ones. Let's raise the standard.

The Panic Walk To The Boss

SPEAKER_00 1:08

Welcome back. I am excited that you're here for this next episode. Have you ever been just absolutely convinced something terrible was about to happen? Only it it was all made up in your head. Like it's just a story you told yourself. Yeah, I have. I have on many, many occasions. And a few years ago, I had a boss who called me up one day and he's like, Hey, can you stop by my office? Now, if you've worked for any length of time, you know exactly what happens next. Your brain gets to work and it says, Uh-oh, uh oh, what did I do? Did I miss something? This is about my performance, you know, what's going on? And as I walked down the hallway, my imagination started filling in the blanks. And by the time I reached his office, I had convinced myself that I was getting fired. I mean, seriously, not like, oh, I'm a little worried, not like maybe, or I wonder if that's what this is. I mean, there had been layoffs. So I was just like, oh, this is what's happening. And I'm mentally updating my resume. I'm thinking about how I'm gonna tell my husband, and I'm wondering about my Rolodex, like of networks, right? All of that was going on in my head. And by the time I sat down in his in that chair across from him, in my head, I had already lost my job. Except I hadn't. Not even close. That even that wasn't what it was about at all. So my boss smiles at me and he says, I just wanted to wanted you to hear this from me before I started making the rounds. And he went on to proceed to tell me about somebody else that was leaving the organization. It was a good thing for them and for us. Okay. That was the meeting. That was it. Nothing about me, absolutely nothing about me, my future, my performance, anything. And as I wrapped up with him, I laughed and I said, Oh my gosh, I thought I was getting fired. And he looked at me like I had completely lost my mind, like I had three heads or something. And he's like, Why would you think that? There's the moment. There's the moment when you realize, oh, I've got some wounds I'm dealing with, right? We both laughed, but I walked out of that office realizing that I was creating my own stress. This particular boss, I've had lots of stressful bosses. This one wasn't stressful. And I was still creating stress. And it wasn't because I wasn't confident in myself or I wasn't capable. It's because my brain, like yours and every human being's, fills in the blanks. And guess what? Most of the time we believe the story we write about it. I'm have, I have a feeling I'm not the only one that does that. Now I've been thinking about that story ever since. And not because I was embarrassed, although it, I mean, honestly, it was a little embarrassing, but because it made me realize something.

Meet Your Invisible Narrator

SPEAKER_00 3:53

Every single one of us has invisible, this invisible narrator kind of living in our heads, right? That little or that uh angel or devil on your shoulder. But that narrator, she don't ever take a day off, okay? It's constantly explaining the world to us. So that my narrator might say to me, Well, that person didn't say hello to you because she's upset with you. Did you notice that? Or, oh, she didn't invite you because she doesn't really like you. Or your boss wants to see you, this must not be good. And the problem is that narrator sounds exactly like us. It's our voice, it's in our head. So we don't question it. We assume it's telling us the truth.

How Made Up Stories Create Conflict

SPEAKER_00 4:37

And after 30 years of working with people, I can tell you, most conflict doesn't begin with bad intentions. It begins with a story we've made up in our head, a story about what someone meant, a story about why they said what they said, a story about why they didn't say anything at all, or what that face meant. And once we believe that story, we stop getting curious and we start collecting evidence. Right? Well, they didn't smile at me, they only responded with one word, or they ended the meeting early, or they didn't copy me on an email. Whatever it is, our brains start building a case, like we're prosecutors. And it's not because it's trying to hurt us, it's because it desperately wants our story to make sense. We're kind we're always trying to make sense. And before long, we're no longer responding to the person in front of us. We're actually responding to this movie or the story that's playing inside of our own head. So, what do we do about it? Because our brains aren't going to stop telling stories. That's what brains do. The goal isn't to stop the narrator, the goal is to stop believing everything she says.

Curiosity As A Leadership Habit

SPEAKER_00 5:51

Somewhere along the way, I realized a simple habit that changed almost every relationship in my life. Everyone. And instead of asking, why would they do that? I started asking, I wonder what's going on right now. I wonder what's going on underneath this. And instead of deciding what someone meant, I would ask them. Instead of assuming, I got curious. And do you know what happened? Sometimes I was right. Sometimes my intuition was like, oh yeah, they were angry, right? But more often than not, more often than I'd like to admit, I wasn't right. Every time I discovered that my story wasn't exactly right. I didn't have it quite right in my head because it's your perspective. It reminded me how dangerous certainty can be. It takes discipline to pause before reacting. It takes discipline to ask one more question. It takes discipline to believe that there might be a piece of the story you haven't heard yet. That's where trust begins. Not because you guessed correctly, but because you cared enough to understand before you judged.

Ask: What Else Could Be True?

SPEAKER_00 7:26

Now, when I catch myself writing a story, I interrupt it with one simple question. What else could be true? That one question has changed conversations with my husband, with my coworkers, with the leaders I coach. Maybe most importantly, the conversations I have with myself have changed.

The One Breath Practice

SPEAKER_00 7:49

So here's the practice this week. I want you to catch yourself just once. Notice the moment. You know the one, we talked about it earlier. The moment you start writing that story in your head. Before you react, before you send the email, before you assume, pause. Take one breath and ask yourself what else could be true? Maybe they're having a bad day. Maybe you don't have all the information. Maybe you misunderstood. Maybe it isn't about you at all. You might discover the story that needed to change was your own. Leadership isn't built in one big moment. It's built one conversation, one decision, and one choice at a time.

Stay Human And Keep Earning Trust

SPEAKER_00 8:41

Thanks for spending this time with me. And remember, power is given. Leadership, that's earned. Stay human.