Stop Letting Everyone Else Vote

Freedom isn’t only about fireworks, rights, or big life choices. Sometimes it’s the quiet, uncomfortable freedom to tell the truth, to disappoint people, and to stop living by everyone else’s expectations. On this July 4th reflection, I share what 30 years in leadership coaching has taught me about why people feel stuck and why it often has less to do with circumstances and more to do with the story we keep repeating about them.

If you’re a leader, a parent, a manager, or simply the person everyone leans on, you know how heavy it can get. When more people depend on you, it becomes easier to lose yourself. I talk through how pressure reveals our most human patterns, how we stop asking what we actually believe, and why leadership isn’t just “finding your voice” but trusting it when the world gets loud. We also look at the invisible prisons built by limiting beliefs like “don’t rock the boat” and “keep everyone happy,” and how naming those narratives as stories can be the start of real change.

You’ll leave with a simple, practical reset: 10 quiet minutes to ask where you’ve been giving everyone else a vote except yourself, then one act of courage that chooses your values over fear. I also leave you with a question that cuts straight to trust and integrity: Can people trust me to do the right thing when it matters most? If this resonates, follow the show, share it with someone you care about, and leave a review so more human leaders can find us.

Transcript

Why People Seem So Weird

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome to What's Wrong with People? I'm Nikki Espinosa, and after more than 30 years in leadership, I've reached a very scientific conclusion. People are weird. All of us. Every single human being. We all overthink, we get defensive, we avoid hard conversations, we jump to conclusions, we send the email we shouldn't have sent at 3 a.m., right? And then we spend the next three days wondering if everyone hates us. Sound familiar? Here's the thing. I don't actually think there's something wrong with people. I think we're all trying to lead and work and live under more pressure than ever before. And pressure has a way of revealing us. That's what this podcast is about. Every week we'll laugh a little, we'll tell the truth, and unpack the wonderfully messy reality of being human at work, at home, and everywhere in between. Because the hardest part person you'll ever lead is yourself. The world doesn't need more perfect leaders, it needs human ones. Let's raise the standard.

A Different Kind Of Freedom

SPEAKER_00 1:12

Happy 4th of July. Today we are talking about freedom and maybe a little different kind of freedom. Because we often talk about freedom to speak and we talk about our freedom to choose, the freedom to build the life we want. And I've been thinking about a different kind of freedom. The freedom to tell the truth, the freedom to disappoint people, the freedom to stop living by everyone else's expectations and start living by your own values. Because here's what I've learned after 30 years in the people biz people aren't trapped by their circumstances. They're trapped by the stories they've been telling themselves about their circumstances. Stories about, you know, who they should be, what success is supposed to look like, what everyone else expects from them. And little by little, those stories get so freaking loud, you can't even hear your own voice anymore.

When Leadership Makes You Lose Yourself

SPEAKER_00 2:12

Welcome back to What's Wrong with People. I'm Nikki, and I've spent the last 30 years helping leaders navigate the messy, beautiful, beautiful reality of people. And this podcast isn't about fixing other people. It's about leading ourselves first. Because when we lead ourselves well, we become the kind of people others can trust. Now, most of the people I coach are leaders. And here's what I know about leaders: most of them aren't trying to control other people, right? They're not trying to, you know, make the prisons that sometimes they create. But most of them aren't trying to have all the answers. They're not trying to figure it all out by their own. They're just trying to carry a lot. Right? They have a team, they have a family often organization, though their community is looking at to them. And every day they're making decisions that affect other people's lives. So they're balancing competing priorities, trying to do what's right when there isn't a perfect answer, trying to care for people while still moving the work forward. And that's quite frankly really heavy. The funny thing is, the more people depend on you, the easier it becomes to lose yourself. You spend so much time listening to everyone else's needs that you stop asking yourself one simple question. What do I actually believe? Not what does my boss believe, not what my family expects or what the internet says, but what do I believe? Not what everyone else hopes I'll become or what I believe or that I'm gonna do, but what do I know to be true? Because leaders, leadership isn't just about finding your voice. It's about having the courage to keep listening to it. Even when the world gets loud. Every year on the 4th of July,

The Stories That Build A Prison

SPEAKER_00 4:06

we celebrate freedom. We gather with family, we watch the fireworks, we remember the courage it took for ordinary people to imagine a different future. It's beautiful. And it makes me wonder what would happen if we celebrated that same kind of courage in our own lives. Because the older I get, the more I believe the greatest prison most of us will ever live in isn't built with walls. It's built with stories. Stories that say, you're too much, you're not enough, it's too late. What do you, who do you think you are? Don't rock the boat. Oh, that was my favorite. Keep everyone happy, play it safe. Some of those stories came from people who loved us, who really cared and respected us. Some came from people who hurt us. And some, some of those stories we've been telling ourselves for so long that we think they're true. And they're not. They're just stories. The truth is that your voice has been there all along. And maybe it's been buried beneath expectations, maybe it's been drowned out by fear. Maybe you've gotten so used to taking care of everyone else that you stopped listening to yourself. But it's still there. And maybe that's what freedom really is. Not becoming someone new, becoming more of who you've always been. Leadership isn't just about finding your voice. Leadership is learning to trust it. To trust yourself to do the right thing, even when it's hard. Because if you can't trust yourself to do the right thing when it matters most, why should anyone else?

Ten Quiet Minutes And One Brave Act

SPEAKER_00 5:53

So here's your practice this week. Find 10 quiet minutes. No phone, no email, no one asking anything of you. Just you. I know that's hard for a lot of you. Work on it, okay? I want you to spend those 10 minutes and ask yourself one question. Where in my life have I been giving everyone else a vote except myself? And then just listen. Because your voice doesn't usually shout. It whispers. And then this week, choose one act of courage. Have the conversation, set the boundary, say yes to something that lights you up, say no to something that pulls you away from who you want to be. One decision, one conversation, one moment where you choose your values over your fear. Because that's how trust is built. One decision at a time.

Trust, Sharing The Show, Final Question

SPEAKER_00 6:52

Thank you for spending these few minutes with me. And if this episode encouraged you, send it to someone who's still trying to find their own voice. And if you're finding something meaningful here, I'd be grateful if you'd follow the show and share it with someone you care about. Now, before we go, here's one question to carry with you this week. Can people trust me to do the right thing when it matters most? I know it lands, right? Because you really had to think about it. Live it. And we'll keep practicing together. And until next time, remember power is given, but leadership, oh, you're gonna earn that. Stay human.